Pale Sunshine

I have always been intrigued by the things people hide. In the piano and cello ballad posted above, I sing about the true affection I once held for someone I used to know. The object of this affection still roams the Earth, and he has no idea this song exists.

The feelings I felt for him, which he could not fully see, were a deep awakening for me. This depth and the struggle that came with it taught me so much about what it means to love someone regardless of whether they feel the same way. It was a tender, long-held longing that took me years to put to rest, and even though it was often quite sorrowful, I know now that it was an essential lesson in my understanding of how to deal with heartbreaking situations that are out of my control.

The beautiful part was that I was in love.

In the bridge of this ballad, I sing the words, “Colors glow in hidden places.” From my experience, I know there are emotions, memories, desires, and feelings we tuck away that are gobsmackingly beautiful, and thankfully, beauty does not have to be seen to exist.

The song above is called Pale Sunshine. I sang it for the first time in a long while the other night, and I was surprised at how I easily remembered how to play it on my keyboard.

Here are the lyrics. Feel free to sing along.

Pale Sunshine
Music and Lyrics by Roqué Marcelo

Pale sunshine in his skin
The kindness in his smile
And I felt the sun
Thought he was the one

I never realized that I could love
That I could love

Drops of hope on my skin
The longing in my gaze
He only saw clouds
Light moves without sound

I never realized that I could love
He showed to me that I could love
That I could love

Colors glow in hidden places
They shimmer and shine

And I never realized that I could love
That I could love
He showed to me
That I could love
That I could love

It has been a long winter, but the days here in Tennessee have been much warmer. The spring season has arrived, and all the beauty that stayed hidden and dormant beneath the muted grey and brown tones in the cold months starts to reveal itself. I whipped out my Sony DSLR camera yesterday to see what I could find.

Tiny buds are suddenly popping out of the branches of the Dogwood tree in my garden.

Wispy little leaves are blooming out of my centerpiece Dragon Japanese Maple tree.

Colors that were tucked away are now slowly unraveling in the sun.

Perhaps beauty is never truly gone. We just have to know how to see it.

When I hear or play the song Pale Sunshine, I remember how I felt when I wrote it. Maybe I opened my heart far too wide, or maybe I was just young, naive, and lovesick.
Either way, I learned that I could always hold a private interior space to help sustain my spirit when the going gets a little too tough.

I learned that I have the right to feel what I feel regardless of anyone else’s knowledge or opinion.

Mostly, I learned that, sometimes, the richest, most tender, and sweetest experiences and feelings we have do not have to be revealed to the world. They can be our own to hold and embrace throughout our lives.

I hide a small handful of such things from the world.

I feel their colors on days when the sun just isn’t enough, and I lock them away for my own safekeeping.

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P.S. Speaking of safekeeping, you are welcome to download Pale Sunshine for free from the player at the top of this post. Please accept it as my gift of gratitude for your attention, time, and support.

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