Before I get into the nitty-gritty of this newest posting, I want to mention that, for those of you in Middle Tennessee and in my neighborhood, I will be hosting and performing for a queer Asian American and Pacific Islander (AAPI) songwriter showcase tomorrow night (Saturday) at Chinkapin Craftstead in Woodbury, TN. The weather will be clear, and you will get a rare opportunity to hear songs and stories centered around people of color. This show is free and starts at 7:00 PM.
Additionally, my fundraiser to film the sequel to YUP continues. Folks can make a donation in any amount at this link here: https://gofund.me/31008e7d7
We are eight months into the four-year tenure of the current U.S. president, who I shall not be naming in sacred spaces where pianos roam.
I would be lying if I said I was not worried. In this short span of months, a deluge of executive orders has wreaked havoc on our civil liberties and the safety of immigrant people of color.
Most of these days, I feel far more inclined to stay home and not venture out into the world. I see more police cars out and about than I ever have before. The ongoing abductions of immigrants by ICE agents of citizens and noncitizens creeps me out.
This might be irrational thinking, but I expect to be interrogated (and hopefully not taken) by ICE at some point in the next few years simply because I am brown. I also worry that my family members will face the same fate.
What am I to do with my growing anxiety? It’s only going to get worse as fascism continues to take hold of America.
Sure, I can focus on my self-care rituals such as morning stretches, good nutrition, staying hydrated, walks, naps, and cat cuddles. While these actions are essential to my physical and mental well-being, it does nothing to move the needle.
Or I can concentrate on my creative work. Songwriting, performing, and filmmaking can easily take my mind away from the current awfulness in the world, but again, in the grand scheme of things, this changes nothing.
I could attend countless protests and post on social media about how I feel (and be subject to an algorithm that limits my reach). I could boycott any number of multinational corporations that carry on nefarious dealings with the president and Israel. But then what? I never know if any of it is making a damn of a difference.
What can I do?
I can think of only three things at the moment.
THING #1: I must admit that I am scared.
I just have to sit with this for a while and acknowledge it.
I have to live with it.
I am scared for myself, for my queer and trans community, for my family, and for immigrants everywhere.
Honestly, it is sad and frustrating that only two years after becoming a citizen, I live in “the land of the free” but feel less so.
Everywhere I go, I drive at exactly the speed limit or less. If I have been gone for over an hour, I check in with my partner about where I am. (I always tell him where I am going.) I tense up when I see a police car, even though I know full well that I have done nothing wrong.
Some people say that a little bit of fear is a good thing. It can keep us safe and help us make more sensible and rational decisions.
So, yes, I am scared.
THING #2: I have to plan for the worst-case scenario.
Being a Virgo, I derive a lot of comfort out of planning. I always prefer to anticipate an outcome rather than be blindsided by one.
Maybe I can objectively look at all the possible terrible things that can happen and figure out how to minimize their impact or avoid them entirely. This actually does help to relieve my anxiety a bit knowing that I can be proactive somehow.
The tricky part is figuring out what a worst-case scenario looks like.
Being abducted by ICE and detained indefinitely?
Losing my health insurance?
A nationwide police and surveillance state?
Marshall law and the cancelling of the next presidential election and/or midterm elections?
Rogue racist militias galavanting everywhere and taking the law into their own hands?
Food shortages?
All of the above simultaneously?
History has taught me that fascism denies people of their basic human rights and dignity. I need to plan accordingly.
I sincerely hope that I am wrong and delusional about all of this—that maybe this colossal rumbling volcano I am staring at is actually a humble ant hill.
THING #3: Make it funny.
Every day, I watch a little bit of either Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, or The Daily Show to get a dose of biting, witty, sarcastic, and downright funny commentary on all of the terrible actions of our president. I often laugh out loud at the shrewd and sometimes low-brow observations they share.
Laughter certainly eases my anxiety quite a bit, and it warmed my heart to see Jimmy Kimmel back on the air where he belongs.
Of course, none of the strategies mentioned above will affect the trajectory the United States is heading toward, but they dampen my anxiety. I can be honest about my fear, be proactive about my situation and how I will adapt to the impending changes, and get a good chuckle out of it all. Why not?
This is where my head is right now.
I guess I have a lot of stuff to figure out.
P.S. I may not be the only person struggling with all of this, and I know I can lean on my community to figure out how to get through this. If you feel like it, drop me a line or a comment letting me know your strategies in these times.
UPCOMING SHOWS
Queer Asian and Pacific Islander Songwriter Showcase (Solo in the Round)
Chinkapin Craftstead in Woodbury, TN
Saturday, September 27
BoroPride
Murfreesboro, TN
Saturday, October 4
The French House
Nashville, TN
Sunday, December 6
Project Updates
New Music:
Practicing the songs with the band
Working on my vocals for the songs
New YUP Sequel Film Project:Creating videos for social media to promote the fundraiser
Mapping out a plan for filming various scenes